I cannot believe it has been a month and a half since my last post. I don't even know where to start.
On Thursday I will be 17 weeks, is till can't believe it myself. In fact I thought by now I would have gotten used to the idea that I'm pregnant but I haven't! At this point I'm starting to think that won't change. I cannot get over what a miracle this pregnancy and this baby are to me.
I have to say that as happy as I am there's always a part of me that is very scared. As the weeks have gone by I've fallen more and more in love with this baby and feel it so close to my heart. I'm so attached and fear that something will go wrong. As of about two weeks ago I started feeling the flutters. What an amazing feeling and reassuring. That has helped calm my fears a bit. But as soon as I start to feel confident something happens. I hear or read something that really upsets me and the latest was Michelle Duggar's loss. I don't even like to think about it anymore.
As fearful as I am I truly try to enjoy this pregnancy an am super happy and excited. I feel it's just flying by and should probably start checking in more often to document how I feel and what I feel.
Tomorrow will be my third doctor's visit and I am very excited but anxious at the same time. I can't wait to hear that strong heartbeat. I also received some reassurance from my acupuncturist on Friday who said he could feel the baby's heart beat through my pulse! How awesome is that!
I should back track a bit and talk about breaking the news to the world. During Thanksgiving week I had my second doctor visit and was 12 weeks 5 days at that point. After we heard the heart beat then were lucky enough to get an ultrasound we were reassured that everything was great. On Thanksgiving we went "live" on Facebook (as a side not I think FB has revolutionized birth announcements, it almost felt like a press release!)
I wrote, "Turkey in the oven AND bun in the oven, Isidro and I have a lotto be thankful for this Thanksgiving."
It felt so great to let the world know and the congratulations that followed made it that more real. The following week back to work I let the office know and it felt so liberating to be able to wear maternity clothes!
On another note . . . Maternity clothes!! What an awful small selection department stores and even Target have. I've been so disappointed. I've been able to get a couple of jeans at JCPenny's and thankfully my aunt gave me all of her maternity shirts which was a big help. Work pants have been the hardest to find. Motherhood has some but all wide leg and they fit super long and I'm 5'6" so don't know what's up with that. I was lucky enough to find a store called Maternity Works which carries Motherhood and Pea in the Pod out of season clothing at mug better prices, but I'm still only working with one pair of work pants. Hope to find a good fit soon.
So physically my belly is starting to show although I know it's mostly my stomach and organs being pushed up that's making the bump while the baby sill sits low. As mentioned before I can feel the baby move but not on a consistent basis yet. I feel that I've gotten every symptom out there minus the vomiting that comes with nausea. Most recently the culprits are severe headaches after lunch time, severe indigestion/heartburn and I can't stay awake past 8:30 pm. I feel like a grandma. I thought my energy would have come back up by now but I feel work really wears me out during the day and it also doesn't help that when I get off at 4:30 it's almost all dark. So my internal clock thinks bed time.
I wanted to get more active as I've started to feel better but I've only gotten as far as walking for about 15 minutes. Anything extra I do puts me out for the night even earlier. I feel pretty useless and frustrated with myself at times but I know and remember that one we're all different and two there are two lives living off of one body.
As of my last appointment I hadn't gained any weight or lost any for that matter which is good because of my body weight the doctor only wants me to gain up to 15 pounds. At first it seemed impossible but now that I've been moving along it seems doable. We'll see what the grand total is tomorrow.
Speaking of doctor, this will be my last appointment at this practice. In January my new insurance (ppo) will kick in and I can transfer to the birth center (which currently my HMO doesn't cover. I watched "The Business of Being Born" and it changed the way I see labor and delivery and the sad truth that has become our healthcare system. I know not all hospitals/doctors are bad but I haven't had the luck of finding a great doctor or hospital (more on that later) so I've opted for a natural drug free birth at a birth center with a midwife. I know sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy but I believe with the proper education and preparation this choice will work out great for me.
Lastly we've chosen to not find out if it's a boy or girl and let the revelation come on baby's birthday. We're very excited about it. The weird thing is that I have very strong intuition that it's a boy. It's such a weird feeling. We're excited for either of course. I've had a lot o experience with baby girls so having a boy if it is a boy will be an adventure for me because I definitely think the two offer different experiences. If its a boy, daddy will for sure be in charge of potty training :-)
Sorry for the novel and lack of presence on my part. Thank you for sticking with me and I leave you with a picture of the little one at our 12ish week scan and a picture of me and the bump at 16 weeks.
