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| Lorenzo Luis born May 25th at 7:26 am, 7 pounds 1 ounce 20 inches. Here he's five weeks old. |
A fellow blogger and friend encouraged me to return to the blogging world and not be guilty about it. I told her I stopped blogging because I didn't want to hurt others that were still on the journey and struggling. She told me my story would be encouraging to others and that I should continue. So here I am taking her advice. She was got me here in the first place :-)
I was holding my breath throughout my whole pregnancy. Being an infertile let me experience my pregnancy much differently than people who have no problems conceiving. With every week that past I knew I was one week closer to meeting my baby but in no way out of the safe zone. As the weeks progressed and I passed more milestones (passed glucose test, Strep B test, gained a reasonable amount of weight and blood pressure remained stable) I couldn't help wonder if this was the last time I'd experience this. I know I know always thinking in the future never living the moment. I feel I lived the moments of my pregnancy very well and I loved all of them even the crazy leg swelling the last week, but I never could help having such thoughts in the back of my mind.
So as I just mentioned I had a wonderful, uncomplicated pregnancy. Most of the time I felt guilty about that too. I felt very lucky and wondered why sometimes. Kinda like it was too good to be true. Well, almost 6 weeks post partum and I can tell you it stayed that way . . . somewhat.
Let's go back in time her to May 23rd, I was still working and planning on working until I went into labor. I had a gut feeling that I wouldn't make it past the weekend, I would be 39 weeks on the 24th. Several of my friends and coworkers conspired and felt the baby would be born on the 24th. I thought that was super weird and random. I had an appointment with my midwife on the 23rd and I left work early. When I left work everyone said goodbye since they were convinced I wouldn't be back. I thought they were crazy!
Five minutes later I was back in the office ha! I had forgotten my purse. I became super spacey towards the end. I went to my appointment and they took my blood pressure and said it was a bit higher than normal (right away i'm thinking pre-eclampsia was going to do me in). While I was waiting for my midwife I was thinking the worst.
She came in and asked how I was doing, at that point I was freaking out. She told me not to worry and that she would check my pressure one more time. She felt it was probably my nerves. She asked if I wanted to be checked. My initial thought was no, I didn't want any mind games as far a how much or how little, if any, dilated I was. My other thought was . . . I was doing this natural no drugs better to feel now what a vaginal check feels like than when I'm in labor. So she checked me and it was not bad at all! Just pressure but no biggie! I was shocked and proud of myself. I have to say IF prepared me well because my HSG had hurt more than that.
I was 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. I was happy with that knowing it didn't mean anything. We headed home made dinner and then I decided we needed to go to Trader Joes to get some snacks and Best Buy to purchase relaxing music for my laboring. So there it was 8 p.m. and we were out and about like nothing. At Best Buy, our last stop I had started to feel a little crampy but I had been having Braxton Hicks for two months so I didn't think much of it.
We got home, I was craving watermelon so hubby chopped some up and I sat and watch some music awards show. That's when I started to feel a little different. I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. I still refused to think anything of it because I knew bleeding was very common after a cervical check. Well I started getting the "cramping"every couple of minutes. I told my husband to pack the suitcase and get ready for bed. I didn't tell him what I was feeling but he knew I was bleeding, but I had convinced him it was due to the cervical check. Before bed I had him download my new cds, so I could upload them on to my iphone.
Went to bed, tried to relax but no luck. The contractions were real and they were too strong to sleep through. I went to the living room to labor on my own. I knew my husband would need as much sleep as possible. I thought he would get up if he heard me but he was out cold! By 11 p.m. I felt that the contractions were pretty often, so I started to keep track. They were two minutes apart 55 seconds long. I managed to be on my own until 2 a.m. I went to the bathroom and realized I was losing my mucus plug. I woke my husband up and told him I was in labor and that it was real! I called my mom in Northern CA since I knew she would need time to get the first flight out to San Diego.
I told my hubby to call the midwife and my doula. My midwife said I was doing great and to keep on laboring at home until I felt it was time. At that point I had started to feel the back labor and it was killing me. I decided to get in our tub. Meanwhile my doula was no where to be found. Cell went straight to voicemail and her home phone was disconnected! I was beyond pissed off. I was 100% counting on her to be there since the beginning to help me get through the early stages of labor and if not for anything else just to reassure me. Instead my husband was freaking out asking me how many sandwiches I wanted him to make for the birth center. WHAT!!!! I couldn't stand talking, and I couldn't believe he was bothering me with such nonsense! Poor guy, he was really trying but I already was not in a good frame of mind. By 5 am I had had it and was ready to go. My contractions were 1-2 minutes apart and lasting 1-1.5 minutes with back labor. I was not getting a break at all!
We got on the freeway for the 15 minute drive to the birth center and I couldn't believe how many cars were on the freeway. On another note I took off to the birth center in my night gown and no underwear! I so thought I'd be modest but that went out the door real quick! Quicker than I would have expected.
Thankfully we made it in one piece and my midwife was there to meet us. She checked me and I was 3cm. I couldn't believe it! All those contractions for 3cm. She suggested I go walk at the park but no way was I walking more than two minutes away. Plus I was peeing like no other. I went outside and walked back and forth back and forth in front of the birth center. With each contraction I held on to the porch railing and breathed and moaned for dear life. I also thought I was going to be a quiet one. No such luck. There were people out on the street going on about their business and on their way to work. I know some people looked at me crazy but I could really care less.
In the meantime we were able to get a hold of a volunteer doula who met us at the birth center and was doing wonders on my back for the back labor with each contraction. It was around 9:30am and my mom arrived. Of course I was a ball of tears when she arrived. I was so emotional! My dad and sister were coming down as well driving. They would be in San Diego in 8 hours. I thought to myself that it would be too late the way I was progressing.
The midwife checked me again and I was 5 cm! She was excited about my progress and with my contractions less than one minute apart and over two minutes long she felt the baby was coming soon.
She got the tub ready for me and everything else to receive baby.
Fast forward to 9:45 pm and I was on my way to the hospital. I never imagined that 24 hours after I had started I would still be in labor. The tub relaxed me too much and slowed down my contractions. The intensity was the same just not as often. The baby was facing up causing the back labor and what my midwife assumed was troubling his discent. My acupuncturist showed up around 4pm did a treatment on me which was successful, turned the baby and got rid of the back labor. By then I thought I had it in the bag. My midwife thought maybe I was unconsciously waiting for my dad and sister. My water hadn't broken yet so she was hopeful and encouraging. I was tiring out, my energy sucked. They kept trying to feed me but everything grossed me out. My dad and sister showed up and my water broke immediately. Super weird right! I was 7 cm but it appeared the baby had turned again and the back labor returned. I waited it out as long as I could but with my exhaustion the pain had taken over and I was not in a state of mind to tolerate what was going on. At that point I felt like such a failure but I knew I needed an epidural to progress. I couldn't do it on my own anymore.
En route to the hospital I swear I was filming a movie! The hospital was less than one mile away but it seemed so far and we got every red light! Once I got there they were waiting for me got me hooked up and gave me some drugs to relax me. They worked but the pain was still ridiculous. 30 minutes later the anesthesiologist finally arrived. With every contraction I got I kept thinking it was the last one I would feel.
I also kept thinking I would never forget the pain. That every women I had talked to was full of it when they told me they couldn't really remember it they just knew it hurt! I kept thinking in my mind bunch of lies! This shit hurts!
Well as luck would have it, my back was punctured 11 times! 11 times to get the epidural in! Holy moley! All that kept me going was the end goal of relief. I was getting worried though since they were having so much trouble and kept saying we may have to think about other options! Other options? This was my last option what were they talking about!
Once I had the epidural I was my old self again. They kept telling me to sleep since I would need my energy for pushing but I was on a high. While I watched everyone else in the room sleep I sat there wondering what time the baby would finally arrive.
At a whopping total 34 hours of later around 6:45 am the doctors checked and I was 10 cm dilated and the baby had turned! That was a bonus. Pushing was work but I was glad my epidural was light enough to feel the need to push and feel the baby come down. It was the most amazing experience of my life.
As soon as they put Lorenzo on my chest and his daddy looked at me and said it was a boy I was in love! The two years of trying it took us to get there plus the pregnancy all culminated into that moment. That moment where all of our struggles, tears, hopelessness paid off into exactly what we wanted and everything and more what we were expecting it to be.
I'd like to say that's where the story ends but Lorenzo had some challenges to face. He's waking up now so I'll have to catch you up on that part of the story next.
Thank you for reading, as a new mom I need this outlet. My postpartum days have been mixed with a bag full of emotions. All which I expect to let out and vent here. More to come . . .
