Then Comes the Baby in the Baby Carriage

My husband and I were wrapping up a good weekend together with some grocery shopping for the week. We left the store excited to try a new recipe for dinner. On our way out I saw a pregnant women with a kid. As always, my immediate thought it "the plague" - that's what I call it, pregnant women everywhere. I'm working towards brushing incidents like this off since they tend to happen on a daily basis.

But then here's the kicker, this woman approaches my husband and I asking for money because her husband lost his job, they have no where to live and are hungry. She caught us so off guard. We had no cash, and were so stunned that we didn't even think to give her some of the food we had just purchased (Stupid! Again, we weren't thinking).

We rode the whole way home in silence. What the heck - here we are happy semi moving on for at least a minute, then we experience this encounter, and I think both of us were experiencing the same sea of emotions. It's so much I think I'm going to list them all:

Angry-Why does God let things like this happen. Here's a woman who already has one kid, another on the way and nothing to offer them! No home, no shelter, no food. No Fair.

Guilty- I felt so bad for feeling this way and having this be my first thought.

Dumb-For not going back in the store and getting her some food. I just jumped to not having cash to give her but it didn't cross my mind until later that I could have done at least that.

Jealous-This lady was in such an unfortunate circumstance, but yet I was so jealous of her for having a kid and one on the way.

Bothered-By the fact that I'm sure she's not the only one out there like this, and how awful and scary it must be to be in her shoes.

Mad-At her for dragging around her 7-8 year old son through this. He was running around in the parking lot trying to have fun, obviously clueless of what was going on. I was sad to think that one day I'm sure he'll remember and realize what was really going on.

Anyway this was a sucky thing to experience, and something I wish I wouldn't have seen. What was the lesson here. Appreciate what you have and don't dwell on what you don't have? I don't know. My head's been spinning since. Then I think was God testing me some how. Maybe I won't be worthy enough to have a child until I pass one of these "tests"? Again, my mind is crazy with thoughts and sometimes I really don't know what to think anymore.

Meanwhile I'm really trying to focus on Operation Smile. So far I think it's been working minus incidents as described above. I've really tried to focus on me, my husband and the now and try to enjoy everything we do even if it's a small thing. I'm trying to love life today.

A little frustrated with the body right now since it seems I have yet to ovulate and I'm already five days behind schedule or it very well may possibly be operator error since I'm using new OPK's. I hope it's the latter.