Then Comes the Baby in the Baby Carriage

I know some of you may be wondering where I've been. I've been holding my breath until Monday 10/24, which was my first OB appointment. The appointment was at 3 p.m. so I had to wait all day long at work I was literally counting down every hour! Finally it was 2:30 and time to leave for our appointment.

Hubby picked me up and was just as anxious as I was.  We arrived and with my nerves I had to go to the bathroom before we went in to the office. Did my business, went in to the office, signed in only to learn I had to pee in a cup! What! I had just gone! So do my business again and actually produce something! Couldn't believe that one but lately I have to go pee like crazy so it shouldn't be that surprising.

So we sit wait, wait and wait and finally my name is called. Nurse takes us in and takes my vitals and asks me if it's my first one, and of course I say yes! She asked me if I was nervous and I said extremely and she laughed and said your blood pressure is still normal but it's the highest it's ever been since we've checked, your heart is beating a mile a minute! Ha! As if I needed any confirmation.

The nurse practitioner came in met with us and did the whole health history and physical exam. She said everything looked good and that the doctor would be with us shortly. More waiting . . . not too comfortable having my legs in the stirrups and bottom right at the edge of the table. Uncomfortable much? Side note, this doctor I hadn't met yet since this office is one that likes to rotate the doctors and nurses so you meet everyone and on the day of delivery it's nor surprise whoever is on call for delivery.

Knock on the door and finally the doctor comes in with the ultrasound machine. She introduces herself and jumps right into to the ultrasound, but wait oh that's funny the screen isn't working. WHAT! With no screen working where I could see she asked us to huddle close so we could see the laptop where the image comes up. Well I'm lying down there's not much huddling I can do, plus I'm super nervous about what we'll see not helping. She slips the wand in and right away our little pumpkin popped up on the screen (from what I could see, I was looking at it at such a bad angle).  Once she focused in we could see the heart thumping away. Then she asked me to stay still and turn the sound up and we heard the thump thump thump thu . . . (insert disc scratch here) Doctor, "opps I moved." Okay so I'm thinking she'll readjust so we can hear again. Think again, no she was done with the heartbeat. Next the measuring. Little pumpkin measured right on track. Then she said okay let me print out the two shots. But wait, what is this, the printer isn't working! At this point I was so done, so upset.  Just my luck right, then to make things worse she says, "This never happens, until you" Okay lady not making me feel better.

Bottom line, the important thing is that little pumpkin is doing great. I asked how fast the heartbeat was but she didn't measure that. Of course she didn't. I left once again disappointed in the bad service in that office. The doctor did tell me that since we didn't get any pictures this time maybe we can do another ultrasound the next time I come in. I am holding her to it, damn right I want some pictures. Two years waiting for that moment and I left with nothing to stare at.

All in all I'm still in shock. I can't believe something is growing inside of me. I should though because I have every symptom under the sun minus vomiting but the nausea well then makes up for it.

We left the appointment and went to a hospital tour at another medical center. I wasn't convinced, they have a birth center but it's still so hospitaly. I think I'm almost convinced that I want to deliver at a birth center we visited a week ago. I had such a different feeling about that place. It just felt right.

I got home at 8:30 that night and felt a little overwhelmed with all of the baby info we received and all of the decisions we'll be having to make soon as well as everything we have to buy! I felt really stressed out which is total the opposite emotion I thought I would be feeling after seeing the baby for the first time.

I'm definitely navigating different land here, and it's weird! We decided to not come out to the world until Thanksgiving. I'll be thirteen weeks by then and have my next appointment that week as well. It's been hard hiding it though as I'm consistently bloated and feel like I'm starting to show even though I know it's just me being self aware.

There's not much else to say except that I'm so happy and excited. Every time I think about the little pumpkin I smile and it feels great.

I just found out yesterday that my dear friend Alissa at Miss Conception lost her two sweet babies Michael and Alena at 20 weeks along. My heart is so broken for her and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since I found out.

I think Alissa and her journey hold a special place in my heart because I felt a special connection to her since I met her on the TTC boards at Baby Center almost two years ago. I followed her journey since the beginning and through her I found so much encouragement and comfort for my own journey.

Her victory in June of becoming pregnant felt like a victory for me too. It gave me so much hope. I loved seeing her happiness evolve as her pregnancy progressed and was so excited to find out that she was having a boy AND a girl! How amazing was that!

Yesterday morning I had woke up thinking about her and how badly I would love to meet her. It just so happened that I might be going up to a conference in her neck of the woods in April and thought what a wonderful opportunity to finally meet her. I was excited that I would get to possibly meet the babies by then too, and hope to receive her blessing then since I would be due 8 weeks later.

When I logged onto blogger later yesterday her post was the first thing I saw and my heart just stopped. I called my husband right away since I talk about her and her journey all the time. He was just as devastated as I was.  I wish I could be there in person for my friend to comfort her and make her feel better, but distance isn't our friend. Please visit her blog and show her your support.

What her and her husband are going through no parent should have to go through.

Michael and Alena - you left this world much too soon, but how special to know that you were already loved by so many!

This is what I finally feel like!

I've been through a plethora of emotions in the last 72 hours.

The nurse called back on Friday with the HCG results from Thursday. My numbers doubled to 338.

Rewind 24 hours before that.  My appointment at the lab for the blood test was at 11 a.m. I go into the room and the lobotomist says congratulations! I tell her thanks but that I would feel much better once I got these test results. She looked at me and said, "Oh honey you can never feel better trust me I know I've had five miscarriages and when I was told to relax at 13 weeks I bled out at 15 and lost it so you can never relax." Okay lady thanks for making me feel worse than I already felt!  I left the lab in a daze and with my hopes a little down.

I knew I wouldn't have the results until Friday so I tried my best to not think about it but come on how can you not. Meanwhile we decided to tell my parents and my close family members since they know about our struggle. They were so excited. I told them it was still very early but that it had been confirmed.

We waited to get the second results to tell hubby's parents. I waited the entire day practically until 2:30! I know the staff is busy but meanwhile there I am at work trying to keep myself occupied and thinking the worst!

The nurse called with the results and as I mentioned before my numbers doubled and she said everything was looking good and they would see me on October 24th for my first appointment and ultrasound. Gosh that seems forever away and more waiting. I should be a pro by now right?

I had written before about BV (bacterial vaginosis). It's basically an overgrowth of bad bacteria causing itchiness in that area and some studies have linked it to early miscarriage. I've had BV on and off that last several months and I didn't get it last month but two days ago I felt an itch. Whether it is or isn't of course I'm going to worry. So I told the nurse and she's like I don't think that gets treated until the second trimester. What!!! Then she said let me double check. She came back and said oh it can be treated now. So then I told her shouldn't I get checked just in case. Nurse: ahhh, I guess let me transfer you so you can make an appointment.

I think you may be getting the sense of how I feel about my doctor and her office. I was transferred and had to leave a message to make an appointment. So annoying! They didn't give me an appointment until October 10th! That seems like a long time if I have a problem. The lady could sense I felt that it was too far away so she told me to call on Monday and check on cancellations. Ohhhkay! What great service right?!

So for a while I was worried, it's early a lot can go wrong and I kept thinking over and over again a bunch of stuff until I decided to STOP. I had been testing everyday to make sure the line was still there, not okay.  I'm going to live this pregnancy day to day and enjoy it day to day for what it is not what it could be. I was scaring myself too much and I'm sure it's not good for me. So I'm staying very positive and I'm getting very excited. Is it too early to buy "What to Expect When You're Expecting" probably but I don't care. I've been waiting for this for so long and I want to enjoy it all!

So far I've noticed some changes. For one I'm super thirsty all the time. I've been chugging water like it's going out of style. Next, I've been so so sleepy. I've had to take naps during my lunch all week and as soon as I come home I nap and go to bed by 9, what! I'm such a night owl that it surprises me so much but the nice thing is that as soon as my alarm rings in the morning I'm up, no snoozing.  My boobs are super super tender. Food-wise I'll be okay but when I get hungry I'm super hungry and I have to eat like right now! So I'm enjoying it all, I'm keeping a positive outlook and for now praying for no BV, hoping I find a better doctor and staff (I'm actually thinking at looking into a midwife, anyone have experience with that?) and counting down for the day I get to see the little bun on the screen hopefully with a super strong heartbeat. I have to say that I love it so much already and its only been a couple of days. I had my last cup of coffee on Monday and didn't even realize it. I'm glad I had cut down on the caffeine when I did because not it hasn't been a biggy. I've been hardcore about it too. I don't want to risk doing anything or take my chances. So no more iced tea for me (it's so refreshing I'm going to miss it).

Thank you all for being so supportive and sticking with me. Oh and get this . . . my acupuncturist started treating another couple at the same time as us, and we both called him on the same day with the same news. Crazy right? I have so much faith in Traditional Chinese Medicine!

I'm pregnant!

Okay it felt so weird to just type that and I'm in such disbelief right now that I don't know what to think. This was the month I didn't give my 100%, the month where the only thing I did was take my herbs, do acupuncture and that's it. I didn't keep track of my cycle aside from knowing the first day of my last period. I was sick with a cold for two weeks. I had a glass of wine here and there I had coffee here and there and what do you know . . . I'm pregnant!

So it all began Monday evening when I came home, I knew AF was due around the corner and decided to look up my cycle day. 32, technically when my cycles were punctual I was a day late, but lately my cycles varied 34-37 daysish. I wasn't going to test but of course curiosity got the best of me. I did it, and what do you know the test looked just like the one I took it July, it was light. So as happy as I was inside I didn't let it show because my first thought was here I go again. I took another one before bed and it was the same. I woke up hardly didn't sleep the night because I was so anxious. I took another one and there it was the second line still light but still there.

That was Tuesday morning. I decided I would test the next morning and if I still saw the line or it was darker then I would call the doctor for a blood test. 9:30 a.m. Tuesday morning I'm dialing the doctor's office. Ohhhkay obviously I couldn't wait. I honestly couldn't wait. No signs of AF no symptoms nothing. The office called me in the afternoon and I went in to do my blood test yesterday afternoon.

The nurse said she would call me today with the results. I waited alllllll day long! It was 4:40 work was over I was in the car with DH complaining to him that I couldn't believe they wouldn't call me and leave me hanging like this and then my phone rings . . . . It was the nurse.

Nurse:  I have your test results but the doctor wasn't in today to sign off on them but I'm just going to tell you anyway . . . . (me holding my breath). . . . . let's see here . . . . . well you're definitely pregnant. Your Beta is 175 which means it's still early but we also tested you for progesterone and your number is beautiful at 21. (My mouth drops open in disbelief).

I still can't get over it. I feel weird. I'm so excited but at the same time I tell myself to calm down, I know it's very early but then at the same time I tell myself I don't care I deserve to be as happy as a clam. So right now I'm somewhere in the middle.

AHHHHHH! I go in for another blood test tomorrow so I think I'll feel better once I get those results. Wish me luck and please please pray for me!

In keeping myself busy I've learned that I love to cook. I must've gotten this from my dad since he loves to be in the kitchen so it's something common that he and I love. In my recent trip home he made some salsa verde that I loved! So he shared the simple recipe with me. This salsa goes great with anything. For example he made some grilled chicken and I tossed some of this salsa over it mmmm delicious!

I love this recipe because it's simple. Being in an office environment we have potlucks often. It amazes me how excited people get over a simple salsa. So I've taken my share to work with some chips and it was gone! Simple and inexpensive for potlucks. Here it is . . . 

Salsa Verde

 Ingredients

20 tomatillos, husks pulled off
1 tomato
3 jalapeno peppers, stems cut off
7 serrano peppers, stems cut off
1 teaspoon of oregano
2 garlic cloves, peeled and roughly chopped

Salt to taste

Directions

Rinse tomatillos in warm water to get rid of stickiness, wash tomato and all peppers. Broil tomatillos, tomato and peppers. Most people use their ovens to broil I use my griddle. Use some foil to place over the griddle (makes for easy clean up and transfer to the blender). You want to put your stove on medium heat. Turn over the veggies every five minutes or so. Stoves vary in heat intensity (mine took 30 minutes) the veggies are ready when they're soft and easily pierced with a fork.  Transfer everything to the blender by grabbing the foil with the veggies and tossing it in the blender along with any juices the veggies released. Throw in the garlic and oregano. Add some salt (I do about two teaspoons). Blend everything together until well blended and viola! You have yourself some salsa verde!

Veggies before broiling

Note peppers vary in intensity.  The way I listed the ingredients this salsa verde really has a kick to it, the flavor lasts in your mouth. You can bring it down a notch by removing some serranos. Just try to keep the ratio of jalapeno to serranos the same.  If the salsa is chunky add a little bit water to make it less dense.

Enjoy! 

Veggies after broiling

Many of you have had questions about the acupuncture, herb and vitamin treatment for infertility that I'm currently on. We decided to take this route first before taking clomid because we liked the idea of fixing the balance in our bodies. I say we and yes both my husband and I are being treated together. Our doctor strongly believes that it's important to treat the unit to get the most benefits out of treatment although I know women can be successful being treated on their own.

I discovered this book several months in to my treatment and wish I would have discovered it sooner as it explains treatment and what it's doing to your body thoroughly. When we started sure I knew the basics but didn't really understand what the needles were actually doing.  Sometimes it was hard for me to believe that needles piercing your skin in certain places could have such an effect on your body. I didn't need to know exactly how it worked to feel the benefits because as soon as I get up from the table I feel the difference.

I highly recommend this book if your curious or would like to look into this type of treatment. It's very informative and what I loved is that it's written by one of us! The author was in medical school and trying to get pregnant. She was unsuccessful with medical treatments and went to a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor. She started treatment and was pregnant in three months! She believed so much in it that she stopped going to medical school to study TCM and become a practitioner. Since then she has become a practitioner and is a very successful one.

The book reviews different reasons why we don't get pregnant including known medical conditions that don't prevent but hinder conception like PCOS and endometriosis.  A quiz is included to find where your deficiencies are in your body and in the back of the book she lists foods to eat and foods to avoid to bring balance back to those areas where our bodies are deficient.

During the completion of my last cycle I had had it. We saw Dr. J and I told him how frustrated I was and tired. This is a very intense treatment that involves a lot on your behalf and your partner's behalf. After roughly three months and three cycles and one BFP for the first time followed by a miscarriage a few days later I had it. So Dr. J suggested we take a break. That actually freaked me out a little bit. So I negotiated. I would still take my herbs and vitamins but not temp, not chart, and not keep track of my cycle at all. Not read any books dealing with infertility. You see a theme here a constant battle with being in control and in balance. Something I always find myself working on. Dr. J feels I need to find a happy medium where I'm doing my treatment successfully while keeping control but not over-obsessing.  Easier said than done buddy!

Anywho I remember the first day of my last cycle and have been so tempted to go on fertility friend to find out exactly where I'm at but that would violate the rules I set for myself. I estimate that I'm around day 30ish. I think I will wait this our for two more weeks, yes two more weeks before I either test of Ms. AF should show by then.

So I'm waiting now. Comparing every little thing I feel to the one month where I did get a BFP. That cycle haunts me so much. I need to move past it but I know it won't happen anytime soon but someday it won't hurt as much anymore.