9 Weeks

I know some of you may be wondering where I've been. I've been holding my breath until Monday 10/24, which was my first OB appointment. The appointment was at 3 p.m. so I had to wait all day long at work I was literally counting down every hour! Finally it was 2:30 and time to leave for our appointment.

Hubby picked me up and was just as anxious as I was.  We arrived and with my nerves I had to go to the bathroom before we went in to the office. Did my business, went in to the office, signed in only to learn I had to pee in a cup! What! I had just gone! So do my business again and actually produce something! Couldn't believe that one but lately I have to go pee like crazy so it shouldn't be that surprising.

So we sit wait, wait and wait and finally my name is called. Nurse takes us in and takes my vitals and asks me if it's my first one, and of course I say yes! She asked me if I was nervous and I said extremely and she laughed and said your blood pressure is still normal but it's the highest it's ever been since we've checked, your heart is beating a mile a minute! Ha! As if I needed any confirmation.

The nurse practitioner came in met with us and did the whole health history and physical exam. She said everything looked good and that the doctor would be with us shortly. More waiting . . . not too comfortable having my legs in the stirrups and bottom right at the edge of the table. Uncomfortable much? Side note, this doctor I hadn't met yet since this office is one that likes to rotate the doctors and nurses so you meet everyone and on the day of delivery it's nor surprise whoever is on call for delivery.

Knock on the door and finally the doctor comes in with the ultrasound machine. She introduces herself and jumps right into to the ultrasound, but wait oh that's funny the screen isn't working. WHAT! With no screen working where I could see she asked us to huddle close so we could see the laptop where the image comes up. Well I'm lying down there's not much huddling I can do, plus I'm super nervous about what we'll see not helping. She slips the wand in and right away our little pumpkin popped up on the screen (from what I could see, I was looking at it at such a bad angle).  Once she focused in we could see the heart thumping away. Then she asked me to stay still and turn the sound up and we heard the thump thump thump thu . . . (insert disc scratch here) Doctor, "opps I moved." Okay so I'm thinking she'll readjust so we can hear again. Think again, no she was done with the heartbeat. Next the measuring. Little pumpkin measured right on track. Then she said okay let me print out the two shots. But wait, what is this, the printer isn't working! At this point I was so done, so upset.  Just my luck right, then to make things worse she says, "This never happens, until you" Okay lady not making me feel better.

Bottom line, the important thing is that little pumpkin is doing great. I asked how fast the heartbeat was but she didn't measure that. Of course she didn't. I left once again disappointed in the bad service in that office. The doctor did tell me that since we didn't get any pictures this time maybe we can do another ultrasound the next time I come in. I am holding her to it, damn right I want some pictures. Two years waiting for that moment and I left with nothing to stare at.

All in all I'm still in shock. I can't believe something is growing inside of me. I should though because I have every symptom under the sun minus vomiting but the nausea well then makes up for it.

We left the appointment and went to a hospital tour at another medical center. I wasn't convinced, they have a birth center but it's still so hospitaly. I think I'm almost convinced that I want to deliver at a birth center we visited a week ago. I had such a different feeling about that place. It just felt right.

I got home at 8:30 that night and felt a little overwhelmed with all of the baby info we received and all of the decisions we'll be having to make soon as well as everything we have to buy! I felt really stressed out which is total the opposite emotion I thought I would be feeling after seeing the baby for the first time.

I'm definitely navigating different land here, and it's weird! We decided to not come out to the world until Thanksgiving. I'll be thirteen weeks by then and have my next appointment that week as well. It's been hard hiding it though as I'm consistently bloated and feel like I'm starting to show even though I know it's just me being self aware.

There's not much else to say except that I'm so happy and excited. Every time I think about the little pumpkin I smile and it feels great.

Too Soon

I just found out yesterday that my dear friend Alissa at Miss Conception lost her two sweet babies Michael and Alena at 20 weeks along. My heart is so broken for her and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since I found out.

I think Alissa and her journey hold a special place in my heart because I felt a special connection to her since I met her on the TTC boards at Baby Center almost two years ago. I followed her journey since the beginning and through her I found so much encouragement and comfort for my own journey.

Her victory in June of becoming pregnant felt like a victory for me too. It gave me so much hope. I loved seeing her happiness evolve as her pregnancy progressed and was so excited to find out that she was having a boy AND a girl! How amazing was that!

Yesterday morning I had woke up thinking about her and how badly I would love to meet her. It just so happened that I might be going up to a conference in her neck of the woods in April and thought what a wonderful opportunity to finally meet her. I was excited that I would get to possibly meet the babies by then too, and hope to receive her blessing then since I would be due 8 weeks later.

When I logged onto blogger later yesterday her post was the first thing I saw and my heart just stopped. I called my husband right away since I talk about her and her journey all the time. He was just as devastated as I was.  I wish I could be there in person for my friend to comfort her and make her feel better, but distance isn't our friend. Please visit her blog and show her your support.

What her and her husband are going through no parent should have to go through.

Michael and Alena - you left this world much too soon, but how special to know that you were already loved by so many!
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6 weeks 2 days

Every morning I wake up grateful for the gift that's growing inside of me.  I still can’t believe this is happening but the idea is settling more as each day goes by. I literally have a countdown in my head of the ultrasound date October 24th, 17 more days! Those days can’t come any sooner.

I’m very excited and currently obsessing over baby books. I just got the Pregnant Body book, which is amazing (pictured above).

I’m very very tired and take naps almost every day when I get home and if not that I’m passing out by 8:30, still shocked about that one.  A new thing is that I can’t hold my pee overnight. For the last five days I’ve been getting up around 4:30 to go and it’s been interrupting my sleep. I still have sore boobs still and now a dull backache in the evenings. BUT I love it all and I’ll take it any day everyday.  I’m still so amazed.

I had a hair appointment this week and had to tell my hairdresser why I wasn’t getting my hair dyed. She was so excited for me and then she said to share in your joy I’m pregnant too! What!!!! She’s seven weeks pregnant. I was so excited for her especially since she had also suffered a miscarriage this summer. Pretty amazing stuff I tell, how life works right?

Other than that not much going on just patiently waiting, not like I’m not well versed and waiting . . .

Until next time friends, how is everyone else doing?
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This is what I finally feel like!

I've been through a plethora of emotions in the last 72 hours.

The nurse called back on Friday with the HCG results from Thursday. My numbers doubled to 338.

Rewind 24 hours before that.  My appointment at the lab for the blood test was at 11 a.m. I go into the room and the lobotomist says congratulations! I tell her thanks but that I would feel much better once I got these test results. She looked at me and said, "Oh honey you can never feel better trust me I know I've had five miscarriages and when I was told to relax at 13 weeks I bled out at 15 and lost it so you can never relax." Okay lady thanks for making me feel worse than I already felt!  I left the lab in a daze and with my hopes a little down.

I knew I wouldn't have the results until Friday so I tried my best to not think about it but come on how can you not. Meanwhile we decided to tell my parents and my close family members since they know about our struggle. They were so excited. I told them it was still very early but that it had been confirmed.

We waited to get the second results to tell hubby's parents. I waited the entire day practically until 2:30! I know the staff is busy but meanwhile there I am at work trying to keep myself occupied and thinking the worst!

The nurse called with the results and as I mentioned before my numbers doubled and she said everything was looking good and they would see me on October 24th for my first appointment and ultrasound. Gosh that seems forever away and more waiting. I should be a pro by now right?

I had written before about BV (bacterial vaginosis). It's basically an overgrowth of bad bacteria causing itchiness in that area and some studies have linked it to early miscarriage. I've had BV on and off that last several months and I didn't get it last month but two days ago I felt an itch. Whether it is or isn't of course I'm going to worry. So I told the nurse and she's like I don't think that gets treated until the second trimester. What!!! Then she said let me double check. She came back and said oh it can be treated now. So then I told her shouldn't I get checked just in case. Nurse: ahhh, I guess let me transfer you so you can make an appointment.

I think you may be getting the sense of how I feel about my doctor and her office. I was transferred and had to leave a message to make an appointment. So annoying! They didn't give me an appointment until October 10th! That seems like a long time if I have a problem. The lady could sense I felt that it was too far away so she told me to call on Monday and check on cancellations. Ohhhkay! What great service right?!

So for a while I was worried, it's early a lot can go wrong and I kept thinking over and over again a bunch of stuff until I decided to STOP. I had been testing everyday to make sure the line was still there, not okay.  I'm going to live this pregnancy day to day and enjoy it day to day for what it is not what it could be. I was scaring myself too much and I'm sure it's not good for me. So I'm staying very positive and I'm getting very excited. Is it too early to buy "What to Expect When You're Expecting" probably but I don't care. I've been waiting for this for so long and I want to enjoy it all!

So far I've noticed some changes. For one I'm super thirsty all the time. I've been chugging water like it's going out of style. Next, I've been so so sleepy. I've had to take naps during my lunch all week and as soon as I come home I nap and go to bed by 9, what! I'm such a night owl that it surprises me so much but the nice thing is that as soon as my alarm rings in the morning I'm up, no snoozing.  My boobs are super super tender. Food-wise I'll be okay but when I get hungry I'm super hungry and I have to eat like right now! So I'm enjoying it all, I'm keeping a positive outlook and for now praying for no BV, hoping I find a better doctor and staff (I'm actually thinking at looking into a midwife, anyone have experience with that?) and counting down for the day I get to see the little bun on the screen hopefully with a super strong heartbeat. I have to say that I love it so much already and its only been a couple of days. I had my last cup of coffee on Monday and didn't even realize it. I'm glad I had cut down on the caffeine when I did because not it hasn't been a biggy. I've been hardcore about it too. I don't want to risk doing anything or take my chances. So no more iced tea for me (it's so refreshing I'm going to miss it).

Thank you all for being so supportive and sticking with me. Oh and get this . . . my acupuncturist started treating another couple at the same time as us, and we both called him on the same day with the same news. Crazy right? I have so much faith in Traditional Chinese Medicine!
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