Then Comes the Baby in the Baby Carriage

My husband and I met the first day of school our junior year in high school. He was super quiet and I really was not! Being the chatter box that I am I think I brought him out of his shell a little. In a short amount of time we became good friends. We had so much in common and talking was just so easy with him.

On December 1, 2000 we became official. We finished off high school and decided to go to the same college eight hours away. Free of a 9 p.m. curfew we were happy campers. As time went on the stronger our relationship got, we started to grow together, experienced many things together. Anytime I was homesick, sick sick, was overwhelmed or felt like giving up, he was there for me.

On June 1, 2006 he asked me to be his wife. We were ready to embark on our last year of college together and begin planning a new life for ourselves. We were married on July 7, 2007, it was a beautiful day surrounded by our families and friends. I began to get a little restless with myself and decided to go right back to school to get my master's degree. A year later my husband also got the itch and we agreed to just finish these degrees, something that had been part of our long-term goals.

Where our TTC story begins . . .
Before I decided to go back to school I knew we wanted to start a family. I decided to stop taking my birth control pills September 2008 to give my body time to regulate itself and become fertile (since I already knew from research that this takes time). I started school four months later and at that time we decided to just use more natural birth control methods.

First of all I never knew how long it would take my body to have a normal cycle again. Before bcp I was very regular and had 28-29 day cycles, never had much cramping, heavy bleeding nothing out of the ordinary. After getting off bcp it took me nine months to have a regular cycle again. In between they were never exact, long, and just overall inconsistent.

In June 2009 I was happy to know that my body had regulated itself and was ready for whenever we decided to actively try. In fall 2009 I had about eight months of school left so I decided it was time to not be so careful anymore and just "let it be". I honestly thought I would get pregnant sometime specially since I thought I was not thinking about it to much. In the three months that it didn't happen I didn't think much of it.

January 2010 came and suddenly I got the "bug" badly! When I didn't get pregnant in January which was a month that we really "tried" I started to wonder. Every month there after I grew more concerned. I started taking my temperature every morning to monitor my cycles and ovulation signs. I started taking OPK's and still nothing. By the end of Summer 2010 I was done with my program and I was still not pregnant. So I thought, "Well, I'm trying to hard" Everyone always says "it will happen" "just relax". Well I "relaxed" thinking for it will work. I wouldn't have stress from school anymore, and sure that was the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant before. Well that didn't work either, but really did I relax, probably not. How can you ever relax with these thoughts in the back of your mind.

My husband and I said on February 2011 we would be past the one year mark of actively trying and that it would be time to go see the doctor. As the dates approached I kept hoping I would see a BFP and avoid having the "discussion" with the doctor. I thought for sure that wouldn't be us. i was going to get a BFP.

Well obviously that didn't happen. Last month I totally broke down. All these feelings of guilt, anguish, anger, frustration hit me all at once and I felt so defeated. It's almost like I had to realize "Hey you, stop being in denial, there's a problem!". It probably has been the hardest thing for me to accept that something is in fact wrong. That we have to start trying other things now. That I have to start opening up to people and let them know what's going on instead of keeping it bottled up because honestly it was killing me. With that in mind I know I'm exposing myself to get hurt, and not by people being rude but by people asking innocent questions that to me feel like a stab in the heart: "Oh it will happen" "You're worrying too much, you're too stressed" "How can you miss something you don't have" "Just be happy, you don't have to have kids" oh and the list can go on and on and on. On top of that the people who have no clue what's going on ask "Are you guys going to have kids" "Why are you waiting so long, you're going to get old, don't keep waiting" AHHHH!

Anyway at this point I'm sure you can sense all of my frustrations and know why I'm writing this blog. I need to vent, I need to share and I need to build a community for myself of people who understand what I'm going through and even if they can't to offer me some moral support as I go through all of this whatever this will be.

The doctor would like me to go in for blood tests on the third day of my next cycle and get an HSG test withing the first week of my next cycle. She also ordered for my husband to have a semen analysis done.

Both my husband and I are 26, I know we have a lot ahead of us. If you're reading this, thank you! You are now too a part of my journey!