I took mucinex to make sure the mucus was "loose", ate pineapple core for five days after ovulation, and still nothing. The worst part of it all is that I was having a good day. My cycles are usually 31 days, I was at 27, so I thought I at least had almost one more week of being hopeful. But no! She had to show her face, and say "Hello, I'm here to torture you again!"
At least that's how I felt. I was absolutely devastated.
Sometimes it amazes me that I can be so hopeful and devastated all over again month after month. I told my husband that it feels like I'm experiencing the death of a loved one month after month. The pain is always the same if not worse.
I decided it was time we come out of the infertility closet to our friends. I know we have a long road ahead of us and only a small part of our family knows about our infertility. We don't live near our family and therefore only have our circle of friends. I finally realized and accepted that I need help from them, emotional support.
I was definitely hesitant because I didn't know how they would react or take it. Mind you one couple just got married and the other is in a very committed relationship but neither are on the baby path just yet. Could they relate, would they think we're crazy?
We went out to dinner and when they asked "How are you guys?" I felt like I wanted to run! I didn't think it was going to be so difficult to share what was going on. Didn't help that my husband just kept digging away at his salad without even looking up knowing my intentions of telling everyone! Help!
So, I finally let it out, and am so glad I did. Everyone was very supportive, asked questions. I could tell they were concerned, and very open about it. I thought it would be awkward, but it so wasn't. I don't even know how to express how much this meant to me. It was very comforting to know I have friends that will be there for us.
So we came out, the closet is open, I'm exposed, but I'm okay!
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