A Guy's Guide

Infertility and trying to conceive is such an involved process. Most of the time though doesn't it seem very one sided? We keep track of our temps, our cervical mucus, take the OPK's, watch out for the symptoms, tell our guys "it's time" do the deed then keep track again, I'm feeling this and that and how can two weeks seem like forever!

My husband is usually pretty aware of my cycle and where I'm at for the month. During OPK testing he'll ask "Was it positive?", then one day I finally tell him yes and we're BD every other day. Then there's the constant waiting and waiting and waiting only to get a BFN or feel and then see AF come and then there's having to tell him sorry, not this month and start all over again.

Well in all of this process I know I'm doing a lot of the work. He knows what I do but he doesn't know the small details like how I sneak in my opk into the bathroom with me at work, make sure no one else is in the restroom at the time to hear the "tear" of the packaging. The waiting around for the two minutes in the stall to wait for the results. The sneaking of my peed on a stick back into my office and into my purse and then me having to sneak and write on a post-it what cycle day it's for so I don't forget to mark it later. He doesn't know how internally psycho I get when I feel something in my body that I haven't felt before and get so psyched that this will be the month I finally get to tell him "It's positive, it worked!" Only to realize I psyched myself out . . . again.

This week we had an incident where I got too pushy and said "hurry up let's go we're running late we don't have time and we need to get this over with." Total turn off for the guy I guess, but you know sometimes it really is like a job, there are days where frankly I'm too tired but the chance that it might be that day that I conceive overcomes my exhaustion and we go for it. So my point is I just didn't understand why he couldn't just go for it and be done with it quick! I start to get upset and feel like I'm doing all the work all I ask if for two minutes to get this done with and you can't do that!

Well I know I was wrong, but at the moment that's what I was feeling and I just let it out. Then I got  thinking that he must feel just as frustrated as I do. I may be super involved everyday of my cycle but he must be having just as a hard time as I am. I have this outlet and this wonderful community of support and he, he only has me. Which frankly I feel bad because I know he needs someone to talk to. Unfortunately none of our friends are at this point of their lives yet, his family doesn't know, so he doesn't really have many options.

I remember listening to an interview on the Today show about this writer Marc Sedaka who recently wrote "What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting" I filed it away in my "I'll look that up later" and I didn't remember again until two days ago. On a whim I ordered the book for my husband hoping he would find some kind of solace in this book. Well it arrived today and he was actually really excited about it. I left to do some shopping and to give him some space to study for an exam he has on Monday. I come back home and surprised him with some Baskin Robbins (more my indulgence since they finally have baseball nut out again!). I expected to find him done with his studying and instead he was barely beginning. What the heck, so I asked what he was doing the whole time and he said he was reading that book and that he was halfway done with it. Wow! At first I thought he was kidding me but he wasn't.

He went on to explain everything he's read so far and how much he loved it. That's when I realized I had found the missing puzzle piece. Some support for him. Seeing him talk reminded me of myself when I discovered baby center and the blogging community. Knowing I wasn't the only one and that I wasn't alone. I'm just so very happy this worked for him, and really for us.

So check out the video clip below, they interview the couple (author and his wife). I was surprised to hear about their story. Success with twins via surrogacy and then they got pregnant on their own! Funny how things work out that way and it always seems to be tied back to the notion of "it will happen when you relax" Which I hate hearing by the way but it seems to work for some.

I can't relax, I'm just not there yet.

BTW I'm really glad I participated in ICLW this month. It's exposed me to so many more bloggers, and I have loved making new friends!

Category: 4 comments


ADSchill said...

I'll see if my hubby will read this. I think it would really help him, but he is NOT a big reader and it might take me some convincing to get him to pick it up.

I love that there is something out there for men. I wish I could express better what I am going through, but I find I have the need to be strong and silent (most of the time).

Thanks for the suggestion.


On Standby said...

I swear I left you a somewhat lengthy comment about my thoughts on Clomid yesterday, but I don't think it actually posted for some reason. I'd be happy to send it again by email, but can't seem to find an email address for you. If you want, please send it to me at dinkville@gmail.com

Cyndi said...

Standby - thanks I sent you an email.

MC - First of all mine reads every once in a while and now that he's finishing up grad school he avoids reading anything besides what is required at all costs. I knew if I asked him if he wanted it he would say "nah". So I just went ahead and got it for him. I had to order it on Amazon, none of the twenty plus bookstores in my area had it.

He finished the book this morning, it's not a lengthy read so I think this may work for your guy. I'm really glad I did because I've already seen an improvement of his understanding of my ttc lingo.

And no, I don't think there's anyway to best describe how we're feeling sometime. I've been so blue today and I can't even put in to words why I feel this way. So I know it's hard for him to understand.

Hopefully this works for you!

Residency Widow said...

I giggled at your description of taking an OPK at work because I have had the same thoughts and paranoia when taking them at work. I'm glad to hear that your hubby liked the book and has found some comfort from it.

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